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My husband won’t make any effort to please me in bed | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

This may be more to do with ageing than a lack of love. Talk about it – hopefully you can work out a new repertoire together

My husband and I have been together for six years. He is 60, 20 years older than me. We had a baby last year and went through a really difficult time in our relationship. Things are better after some couples therapy, but we are both still unhappy with our sex life.

I take a while to orgasm, and he gets very impatient and essentially just gives up (he always orgasms first, and quickly). I also have longstanding health issues that make sex painful. He has always been respectful when I say I can’t have sex because of the pain. But he gets defensive and unkind when I ask him to try new things to give me pleasure. He bought sex toys and says these were his way of trying, but I saw them as a way of him passing off a job he can’t be bothered to do.

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Aug 9, 2026 Sex Family Life and style

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